this is the anaphase

my emotional status has now reached the anaphase.
it will be e longest phase, however.
long.
i dont know how long, perhaps years.
it's q stable now, occasional ups n downs r considered normal when they r within control.
once in a day, once in a while - it's ok. it's alright.

full marks.
stil.
25/25.
im nt one who likes it.
e perfectionist is seeking for sth else bt perfecton only appears in this form.
seriously, i dont like it.
n not a single bit supportive of it.
so im like forced to give support to sth which i hate totally, for life- i wont change my attitude thou u may like to offer another perspective to c the benefits tt it brings abt, bt i'll only agree on the harm it does.
stickier.

nowadays i dont hear any screaming, any cheering, any pongs, dongggg----, any buzz.
if only i cld choose.
i wld give in for a while 1st.
bt noway.
we r all forced into this.

watched wiseley ystdae nite.
god of 3 wishes.
i wish i cld c him.
i dont nid to pray for wad is beyond his power.
all i want is sth v simple.
my reactional quotient isnt gd.
n it neva will b.
mayb bcoz im too selfish.
i've bcum.
bt it's inevitable.
at least for now.

have been hungry at nite for the past week.
my stomach is used to having supper.

Each of us has our own destiny.
Or call it fate.
like what the aunties in tv like to say, it's fated.
just have to live on.

All that im doing now is for a reason.
just 1 reason.

for tt reason, i've done my best.
thou i noe my best is stil nt the best.
things rnt s ideal s we wld all want it to be.

im tinking back now.
perhaps startinig to regret my decision.
i like to make tings diff for pple, esp in a rebel.
bt at the same time, im too softhearted.
perhaps too much sacrifices were made for me.
tt i bcame selfish.
n wld like to cnue enjoying tt.

since 2 yrs ago, i was alrdi diff.
i dont like prestige.
i dont like to compete.
i dont like being 1st.
bt parents always tink they r doing their kids the best thing n tt their kids r immature to decide for themselves, n tt they wld be grateful to themin the future.
at 1st, i tot i wld do the same if i have kids nextime, bt now i tink i wld b like my parents, giving my kids freedom.
happiness is a valueable gift.

well, false info at 1st.
30-40 x 26=780-1040min
n 5 x 26=130min.
minus +++++++++..........................................
ok.
yup
1stly, e def +++ n ++++. each x7, x well, be it 5, 30 or 40.
n -20 x 60 x 4=4800min ->this one of a even even much much higher value.
yup.
n the +++ n ++++ each x 7 x 24.
kk.
now.
nt left wif much.
so does the 780-1040min minus 130min combat all these?
not to say it'll eventually turn 130min-130min.
well.
or even minus more, so bcum negative.
yea, it's doomed to b negative in the very 1st place, it's u who have been dreaming.
now mayb i prefer my family.
n their way of doing things.
my dad, my cousin, my fren.
they r great.
tt's the way i like it.
bt all along in my growing up process, i've learnt tt im a special girl.
im diff.
nt jus bcoz everyone is diff.
u give wad u take.
now im giving much much much more.

im still tinking, still processing.
im in control.
if not,... u noe wad.
so i shal cnue analysing .
not for too long.
im nt gd at this.
too ignorant. too naive. too disalert.

L.I.F.E.
xant pf haytnty.

so, is this .... ?

i shal eat more icecream.
i've neva touched alcohol b4 xcept those in medicine.
they say tt it helps u 4gt.

C.O.M.A.
come on, make accident.
bt skilfully.

jus as i chose to take a lighter, more relaxing approach towards life, it's trying to exhaust me.
im tired.
really, really tired.

live believing, dreams r for weaving, wonders r waiting to start.
live ur story, faith, hope and glory,
hold to the truth in ur heart.

havent been onto icq n irc since a v long time ago.
msn only recently tt i start gtting bk.
bt it no longer feels the same.
pple r diff.

bu xiang zhang da.